When it hurts to fly

although the title may seem a little emo, there is such pain in my wings right now. i know what i need to do to become happy again, but it is breaking my heart, and i cry out to Jesus, i cry out to Him to make it stop but he reaches his hand out of the poster and says "I want you". He wants all of me. for so long i had no idea what that meant. it is so clear right now. but it breaks my heart. i want it to stop, but he always answers my prayers, not always how i imagine Him to. sometimes it means that His will breaks my heart. He has a tough love. It is not wrathful to me, but extremely specific. I ask, I recieve. even if i recieve the answer in a squewed way, He does not do it to trick me. He just simply answers me. and my will often does not match His, so i am broken. I know what you want, Lord, please tell me how.

Sarah