When it hurts to fly

although the title may seem a little emo, there is such pain in my wings right now. i know what i need to do to become happy again, but it is breaking my heart, and i cry out to Jesus, i cry out to Him to make it stop but he reaches his hand out of the poster and says "I want you". He wants all of me. for so long i had no idea what that meant. it is so clear right now. but it breaks my heart. i want it to stop, but he always answers my prayers, not always how i imagine Him to. sometimes it means that His will breaks my heart. He has a tough love. It is not wrathful to me, but extremely specific. I ask, I recieve. even if i recieve the answer in a squewed way, He does not do it to trick me. He just simply answers me. and my will often does not match His, so i am broken. I know what you want, Lord, please tell me how.

Sarah

plaster of paris

sooo just enjoying the high i am getting from a mocha from starbucks, thank you starbucks for making highs posible even to the under aged. i am listening to a little Across the Universe soundtrack thanks to facebook. Its a beautiful array of heartache. thinking of the song hold me tight. i cant exactly understand chromosomes in bio right now but mabe my teacher will make it clear in class. i had work today, it was kinda hard, but i guess i liked it, and the meatball sub i had for dinner ( will probably have interresting dreams tonight). i should probably start my papers for english and bible and bio soon. mabe tomarrow, since i will have free time. although tomarrow will probably turn into art time. .... yay. so february, a time of love, hope it all works out for everybody. i hope others love you as much as you love them and stuff. also had mac n cheeze for snack tonight. wow. so much for taking care of my health. it all goes down the drain when i get my appitite back, which i missed at the beginning of the year because of stress, exc. just getting it back more because i have been doing a lot more work. anyway, love you guys, and hope your lives are as sweet as mine. truely, sometimes my life goes crappy. especially when i dwell on the past, but when i think about present and future, i feel in control and especially excited to see what God is going to have me do. i want to move mountains. and i know He can make this happen, because he has done it before. yes the devil did try to make things go bad, i could see that too now, but God has made a big impact on people's lives, and nothing is going to stop me now.

SARAH